Monday, May 19, 2008


There is great irony in my present situation. I have been home from school exactly two weeks today. These days that have felt like an age have been a mixture of initial rest and relaxation proceeded by mounting anxiety as my jobless, friendless, structureless-self stared bleakly toward a long, hot, Texas summer. Today, however, began differently. To start, I met with Jesus for the first time in many days and read through Psalm 130, especially verse 5, which reads, "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in His word I hope." I also read Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest and was, as usual, blown away by its timeliness--by His timeliness. I also made a new friend last night--April--she's the wife of one of the youth pastor's at Community Bible Church and I foresee a true friend in her (she likes ultimate Frisbee, how can we not be friends?:) I still have no job, but I continue to seek and wait now, not anxiously, but with expectation and hope. I am beginning to surrender to the beautiful openness of summer and am learning to revel in all of its possibilities, rather than allow them to weigh me down. I know I am here, at home, in San Antonio, for a purpose--I just need to discover what that is--but how can I do that if I am too busy worrying? I instead choose to resign myself to two hour naps, late nights of reading, guitar and piano practice, phone calls, letters, time...things I only fantasised about during the school year. The irony is this then--now I have time, but I chose to worry about the future, rather than surrender to the endless possibilities of the present. I wanted time, now I have it--shall I not then use it until further notice. Be content, I say...

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