Saturday, February 21, 2009
Life is pregnant with expectancy. We live and function within this realm of hope, expectation, longing. We hope for tomorrow, expect great things from the world, and long for what we cannot yet foresee. So much of what we do, our mental state, our emotions, our energies are tied up in the game of expectations. Expectations can both exalt and crush. With expectations comes the possibility joy and satisfaction, but likewise the sad reality of disappointment. Expectations are a fact of life, but we choose just how we will react to the results of our expectations. Paul encourages believers to be content, irregardless of circumstance. Expectations are circumstantial, inevitable, but circumstantial. We have a choice. We can still hope, expect, long, etc. but ultimately in remains within out power whether we will be exalted or no. Expectations are fact, but likewise our reactions. Choice. The beauty and terror of humanity.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Everyone experiences the transition of "knowing" with someone else at some point in life. It is that period, that moment of transition that occurs between knowing and not knowing a person. You can know a person for example, casually like an acquaintance, but at some decisive moment, a change occurs. Generally, both parties feel this change innately, a definite shift. The threshold crossed is an almost imperceptible barrier, but a barrier nonetheless, and when it is crossed, there is no returning to the land of "not knowing"--it's all knowing from thence on out--and once knowing and being known, who would want to return to that land of "not knowing?" I honestly don't know...
Monday, February 16, 2009
Women are odd beings. I cannot quite figure us out. We can be incredibly sweet, loving, and caring, etc. yet almost within an instant, we are able to turn inside out and become the most loathsome creatures imaginable. Our sweetness becomes embittered backbiting, our loving nature turns mean spirited; and such things are always directed towards other females--cattiness. The terrible truth is I recognize this paradoxical duel nature, because I live within its reality. How I loath it. The characteristics in others that are often most irksome or loathsome to us are often so because we ourselves possess them--as is the case with the cattiness that is innate in the female gender. I am able to recognize it so fully because I practice the terrible trade. I do not, however, believe that women are bound to this awful stereotype. Just as with any stereotype, it can be overcome; however, we must choose. Stereotypes are simple and unfortunately easy to embrace because it is truly not easy to be different, to stand out. I loath this part of my nature, but in this case, I believe I have a choice...we always have a choice.
Friday, February 6, 2009
I have been pondering a balance as of late. It is a balance of decisions. It is a tenuous daily pendulum swing between strict intentionality and deliberate living, contrasted by the impulse to simply allow life to come as it may. I struggle. I feel I live somewhere in the web between these two extremes. I attempt to live deliberately, being intentional with people and circumstances, yet I often yearn to simply engage with life as it meets me, instead of trying to pre-prescribe everything before it arrives. I must be intentional to a point, otherwise I will live with regret and un-pursued dreams; however, if I cannot learn to simply "go with the flow" and allow life to take me where it will, life will be awfully frustrating, because I will be out of control...and life is out of control, I better get used to it. Deliberate living or no..? I say yes and no.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I took a stroll tonight. I needed to be alone, to think. It was a tranquil walk and gave me mental space I do not normally allow myself. I meandered a long and aimless route about campus, pondering life. It was cold, brisk and clear. My nose was quite cold. The stars were brilliant, like bright pin pricks appearing through the black paper of the deep winter sky. As I strolled, kicking rocks and contemplating the universe, analogies and seeming life lessons kept cropping up, nipping at my heels like a litter of bothersome puppies. Balancing along the curb, I thought about the tenuous balance that is life-- sanity vs. insanity, control vs. not in control--all manifested along a concrete curb. The moon shown over my head, though only half of his face peered down. He watched over me, it seemed. Wherever I wandered there he was, and realized at that moment, there He will always be...
Monday, February 2, 2009
We all long for love, don't we? It seems inextricably woven into our beings. It is manifests itself in our constant striving towards relationship--of all kinds. We are born into relationship. People buy pets, pore their life into them, love them, care for them and ultimately lose them. We form friendships, spend time investing into people, loving, caring, sharing, bearing (alright, a little too rhyme happy). We long for the romantic catch and pursuit; we hope and we contrive, we wait, and hopefully and eventually obtain. I assert that all such things are a testament to our universal yearning for love--deep, true, honest love. Humanity is built, created with an unquenchable desire to be wanted--for exactly who we are--and we pursue this desire in whatever means happens to suit us, yet we often seem to avoid the One who can truly satisfy...