It's amazing to realize how much and how often I've run away from solitude and aloneness. I think in my deepest self, I'm absolutely terrified of loneliness. I know I've said this already, but I want to reiterate just how much I think I truly fear being by myself. And I'm not quite sure where this fear is rooted, but it's there. When I think about it I've spent most of my life surrounded by people, by choice, but perhaps also by necessity, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I'm just now realizing how infrequently I've been truly alone; it's kind of amazing in fact...
This past week was the most time I've spent alone, maybe ever. And this coming week appears to hold the same forecast, but perhaps more severe. My parents left today for Phoenix, which leaves me, literally, to my own devices. I was really dreading it earlier today, dreading it. But, since leaving work I have felt nothing but peace, for many reasons. It's amazing, I think, when I just accept something it never quite seems as horrible as I imagine. The anticipation always seems worse than the thing itself. Like loneliness and solitude. I think I may find that I actually enjoy them. We'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow...
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