Sometimes my life feels like a series of tasks.
finish. And start again.
I feel like I somehow turn nearly everything in my life into some kind of task or a thing to be completed or accomplished.
Like eating for example.
Even preparing and consuming a meal can become for me an exercise almost, in completion. Cutting the celery, putting the hummus in a container, washing the grapes, packing it all into a lunch bag, then methodically consuming each portion, to completion.
I think it's some kind of sick OCD.
I'm not sure, but it does frustrate, even though it's almost entirely self-inflicted. I get into these mindsets of feeling "accomplished" "in order" & "on top of it," which are all positive sentiments. But, the negative inverse is that I can become so entangled by this notion and feeling of "completion" that I all too often lose the process.
I lose the process in the completion.
This doesn't always happen; I go through phases and stages, but when I do get into these modes of feeling "accomplished" and sensing "completion" which half of me revels in (the OCD part) & the other part of me loathes (the hopefully sane part).
I'm not sure if I'm doomed to function this way, or if I have hope of transformation. I suppose I know If follow Christ as I claim than I must believe and claim transformation. For the good Book says:
"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."