I am finding that despite how much I attempt to plan, prepare, or anticipate life, things never quite go how I plan. Which is kind of great, although frustrating in the moments in which we realize we're not in control. But, those are beautiful moments too. I'm realizing, maybe for the first time, that I don't want control of my life. Truly. I'm exhausted of managing, manipulating, & controlling. I'm done. Or rather, Lord, I ask you to cause me to be done. I can't rid myself of control for sheer desire's sake; I need the power of your Spirit.
It's a miraculous and merciful thing, I find, when life doesn't go our way. Because, if it did I think we would all be in a whole heap of trouble; at least, I know I would. "In his heart a man plans his way, but the Lord directs His steps." Disconcerting/comforting truth, depending on your paradigm. I find it comforting. Although, it took me some time to get here...
Surrender is a beautiful and terrifying thing. It means you let go, of everything: hopes, dreams, desires, fears, pains, longings, anxieties, everything. It can mean you lose everything, or it can mean you gain everything. Or both. But, the reality is we must release our tight fisted grip on our lives if we every hope to embrace life abundant. I don't know about you, but I want abundant life. "For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." The road of faith is not an easy one, but it's the one I want to choose...
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