Tired of being Tired

It's true, I am. I can't recall the last time I was fully rested, in any sense. That's terrible. I feel like I've been running on fumes and grace for way too long. God forgive me.

I wonder if it hurts the Lord's heart to watch me, frantically running around like a small busy ant, pretentiously assuming I can carry my own burdens. Again and again missing out on the abundant life He so freely offers, yet somehow it continues to evade me, or I it. Either way, I'm exhausted.

Sadly though, I think it's mostly my fault. I do it to myself, mostly. I still haven't seemed to figure out how to balance myself: My time, my energies, my passions, my relationships, myself.

I am always willing to spend myself on people, always. And it's always worth it. But, it is? I am beginning to wonder. But, I don't know any different, and I can't imagine any different. Or is it all simply about balance?

God, I beg for something. Something to discern this space and my place in it. How am I to truly embrace the abundant life you have for me, yet remain true to how you've created me? Help me Lord. I pray.

I'm so tired of being tired.