Monday, April 18, 2011


I feel like I'm standing at an intersection, a crossroads, a precipice--whatever cliche you wish to attach yourself to--either way, life feels extremely pivotal at present. It feels like whatever life choices I make in the next few months will determine much, and much more than my mind feels comfortable with. It feels like I could go a thousand different directions, but which is the right one? And what does that even mean. Not sure. But, I'm mildly terrified.

I'm trying to decide something, well many somethings. For one, am I a reacher, or a settler? Like, am the type of individual who will forever be reaching, always striving, always wanting the next challenge, the next thing. Or, am I the type of person who is more content to simply be, to accept my circumstances, to settle. And is one delineation "better" than the other? Or, can we be one and then the other, depending on stage of life? Or, are these delineations altogether false? Not sure.

All of this said, life decisions seem a bit daunting at present, but I can't allow these crossroads to paralyze or I'll never move forward, in any direction.

But, where do I go? What do I do?

I feel like I'm on a round-a-bout, and could be spit off in any direction. But, which way...

I could go, I could stay, I could study, I could teach, I could settle, I could reach, I could love, I could not, I could live, I could not...

What if I miss something? What if I miss out? What if I choose wrongly? Is there a wrongly...?

Wow, that's a lot of pressure.

Maybe I'll stop trying to madly figure out my life and instead entrust myself to a God and Father who holds my entire existence in His hands...

Yeah, I'll try that.

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