Productivity.

Productivity is like a drug for me. I use it to mask, make up, & all too often define myself. I equate who I am to what I do; if I'm not "doing," if I'm not "busy," than who am I? What is my value if I'm not producing something to validate my worth? Sounds mildly ridiculous, I know. The thought patterns behind this way of thinking feel inescapable. I know they're false, yet they are so engrained...

It lends itself to a multitude of evils, this notion of productivity. It controls, by how much it does. It creates the illusion of self-sufficiency, because "I can do it." It lies, by how much it covers up and sits in place of. There's always more, and yet it's never enough.

Productivity in its most basic form is not inherently evil, but it becomes a demon, when taken to it's worst extreme, which I of course do.

How to unlearn this false pattern of thinking...?

That's the question.