Saturday, August 16, 2008
It is the most difficult thing in the world, it seems to me, to fully embrace where and who one is in life--holistically speaking. This idea is somewhat a compilation of the "the grass is always greener" notion and the "what if" philosophy. It is not only about not coveting, but rather loving and fully embracing who and where we are--who and what I am. My God how easy it is for us to question our purpose, our course, our decisions..."what if this?" "why not that?" "WHAT IF?" I feel as if I have been asking myself this question often as of late--why is my life not_______? I find myself second guessing my life severely in these periods. It forces me to look deep within myself and evaluate who I am becoming and whether or not I am happy with that person. Often, I come back dissatisfied. Who is this person I am becoming? And do I like her? What if...? Just when I feel as if I have convinced myself that I am who I am--and no one else--I begin to slip back into the depths of doubt. What if I had made different choices? What if I had pursued different passions? What if I had cultivated different skills? What if...? The infinite "what if" will drive me mad. I cannot live this way, rather I must--must--seek to fully embrace who and what I am...damn it.