Yet another "what am I doing with my life" days...

I ask myself this question often, "what am I doing with my life?" And I don't often have an answer. Every few weeks to every month or so I have a crisis of self, lamenting my current state of affairs and wonder madly if I am making the most of my life and resources, talents and abilities. And I'm not always sure of my answer. It just feels like there is always something "more." As if I'm only just missing that great epiphany which would illuminate all things hidden and uncertain. But, is that simply an ever-elusive, incessant thought that at its root is truly discontentment? Or is it a necessary fire lit to propel and compel me in a direction?

There seems a never-ending battle with discontentment in my life, good and bad. Discontentment isn't always negative, but the space between healthy and unhealthy discontentment is small and a precarious balance between sanity and insanity in my head. It seems when I feel I have "arrived" at what I believe is a healthy place and space something occurs to throw me off balance again. I think it's good to be kept on ones toes, regarding where we are and where we're going in life, but it can become exhausting to always be guessing at ones standing on the balance beam of life.

I think it's one thing to be asking oneself the hard questions and allowing them to provoke healthy introspection, which compels action, but than I think it's another matter to allow these questions to drive one mad and prevent any sort of peace or rest. Back to balance and that healthy place. I think one can live in that healthy place, still asking those hard questions, but remembering ultimately that you're not the one keeping your balance anyway.

Which sounds fabulous, but my question remains: "what am I doing with my life...?"

Can't skip breakfast

It doesn't matter when your day starts, you can't skip breakfast. Whether you rise at 5:30 a.m. or at 1:00 p.m breakfast signals the start of everyday. It's the cornerstone, dietarily speaking. If you skip it you will throw off the great cosmos of the universe. Or just cause you to suffer from hunger pains till lunch. Either way, breakfast is, in my opinion, essential to starting ones day right.


You begin with the coffee. Pick your favorite mug, this is very important, pour & add sugar or cream as desired. The coffee accompanies the rest. Eggs are a must, any style, but my current favorite is sunny side up on a piece of buttered toast smothered with pico de gallo. Delicious. Oh, and you always need fruit of some genre.

It's essential to savor each step. You can't rush these things. Sip your coffee while watching the eggs frying in the pan. Toast the toast. Butter toast. Flip eggs. Sip coffee. Repeat.

Once complete, sit and savor. Read the newspaper, Bible, or favorite blog. Or just sit & eat & be.

You may think this seemingly inconsequential meal is optional, but you're wrong my friends and I strongly encourage an exploration of the beauties that are a breakfast savored. Give it a go. You may never go back to cold cereal or God forbid no breakfast at all. *Shutters.

Faith

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." I say I have faith, but do I really? If this is the definition of faith, I fear I am severely lacking. Faith is a wonderful theoretical notion, but an extremely difficult concept to embody...

Though, I'm realizing more and more: faith is a gift. I cannot conjure it, foster it, or create it. It is given, gifted if you will. And I must choose it, or not. It is constantly offered, but how often do I take it? Too infrequently. It says in Ephesians, "In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one." It is the only piece of armor said to actually deflect the enemy's attacks. Why would I not choose it daily? Pride? Fear? Both & more.

So much keeps us from trusting our Lord.

Ourselves.

He has given us every reason to believe Him, yet we continue to find every excuse to disbelieve Him. Amazing. He proves Himself ore and ore, yet ore and ore we deny His sufficiency. How?

The enemy speaks the same lies to us as were spoken in the garden: "Did God really say...?" "Did God actually promise...?" Except now he just masquerades them differently, dresses them up to appear and appeal to our current culture and mindset. But, they're the same lies. They are all calling His trustworthiness into question. Calling Him into question. And we listen.

But, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever! He never changes. He IS trustworthy. Why then do I struggle to believe Him when He speaks? Because I am weak and frail. Human.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen." Faith is believing even when the serpent whispers, "but did He really say...?" and saying back boldly, "yes, He did." It's choosing to stand firm despite all else telling you to doubt. It's believing Him when He says,"I shall never leave you and I shall never forsake you." It's believing Him.

That's faith.