Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The new & the old

I struggle sometimes with how I'm made and how I function. I'm an adapter. As well, I'm a compartmentalizer. Both good, but equally negative qualities. I can adapt to almost anything and be relatively happy.

I do this with friendships. I can get along with almost anyone and find something to love and appreciate in nearly everyone I meet. This is both good and bad. On the one hand, I'm very open and accepting, loving and non-partial, but on the other hand I put people in compartments & deal with them accordingly, depending on where I am in life.

A friend told me once that everyone could be my best friend, based on how openly I engage with people, but it would just depend upon who I was spending the most time with at that moment in my life. This was somewhat difficult to process, partially because there was truth in what she said. Am I that non-descriminatory?

I have experienced many great communities of people thus far in my life and have known many wonderful individuals, but I feel like I'm a drifter in these communities, these entities. I can easily flit into any community and get along, make friends and feel connected, but then I often flit away again based on either circumstance or necessity. I can seemingly fit in anywhere, which is great, but things never seem to stick long term. And this is ironically all I desire-long term.

I thought for certain my college community would be my life-long community of friends-everyone else from JBU seems to have remained unbelievably close. Or, I was certain the friendships from Slovakia or my summer at War Eagle or perhaps even high school, or the community I formed when I first moved back to San Antonio. Maybe now, maybe the community I have now is it...

But, it really is a little disheartening, but should it be? Is the fact that I can easily adapt negative, or has it simply played out negatively as far as longevity goes for a community. I'm not sure. But, this is a topic I'm not through exploring.

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