Purpose

Life is determined by purpose. Our actions, motivations, are all driven by some type of purpose. I feel my purpose, for which I have lived the past so many years of my life is now over and done--just like that. My life up to this juncture as been fairly scripted and pre-determined; however, this after college, "real life" business is another issue. It is, on the one hand, beautiful and open, free and utterly available, but on the other, it is terrifying and unbounded. Some of my close friends would say both hands are exciting. I am caught in the balance between terror and excitement. What's next? Who knows. I don't. But, I am beginning to realize, I don't have to know. Because honestly, as soon as a plan would formulate in my mind and heart, He would be directing me somewhere else in the meantime. I might as well surrender to the unknown. It seems like my only option at present...

Surreality

Life is continuing progression of the surreal. I feel caught in a vortex of forward motion, with no reverse option. How did I arrive in this place? How I have finished a time, a season, a period of life to which I shall never return? Life will move on and I will form new community, disjointed and "adult," but never again will life be so community oriented, so integrated, so holistic. I know I am losing an irreplaceable part of myself, but it's a part that must end. If I were to attempt and keep it alive, it would rot. It's like when you eat a delicious meal, and the meal was so perfect you want to repeat it; however, the repetition would diminish the perfection of the original meal. Contentment. Life moves forward. I cannot go back...